Thursday, February 17, 2011

Today's Twitterfic

I clicked send, my entry was on its way. I waited nervously then the results were announced. I made the short list but didn't win the prize.

I taught myself astro-physics. I tried to teach myself quantums. Now I'm trapped in the dark matter of my mind and I'm lost in space.

The groom ran off with the pastor. Stranded and devastated, she destroyed the flowers and wedding cake then hung herself with her veil.

Adrenaline rushes through me as I e-mail my villainous resume. I anxiously await a reply until it finally arrives. Denied: Not evil enough.

© February 17, 2011

Irresistible Muffins

She threw muffins at him, screaming, “You two-timing cheater!”

He caught them and shoved them in the bag. “I'm sorry!”

“How could you? I trusted you!” she sobbed.

“You make the best blueberry muffins but her apple muffins — they're amazing,” he answered.

“I see,” she said, grabbing a butter knife. She lunged at him.

He jumped back. “Baby! I'll give up her muffins! I swear!”

She lunged at him again. The knife slid into his chest and he fell to the floor. She took back her muffins as he bled to death. “You won’t need these where you’re going.”

© February 17, 2011

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Squirrely Ending

Screeching filled the newsroom as the squirrel frantically tried to escape from the trap. She tried everything she could think of to escape as the staff watched with pity. They were happy to get back to work after the pest controller showed up and removed the menace that had been tormenting them for weeks.

A week later, a horrific stench filled the air system and quickly dispersed throughout the office when the heat was turned up. Editors and reporters ran for the bathrooms to empty the contents of their stomachs before heading out into the cold for fresh air. The secretary called the pest controller before making her own mad dash for the ladies room.

The pest controller rushed over. He eventually traced the smell to the server room. Tucked behind a rack of computers was a nest with two half-eaten baby squirrels and a bloated one draped over its siblings. The pest controller blanched as he quickly cleared away the nest and remains.

The staff was sent home and the office was closed so the building could be aired out and squirrel-proofed. For the first time in the 200-year history of the company, no newspaper was published that day.

© February 17, 2011

This story is dedicated to the folks over at The Keene Sentinel who have been dealing with a squirrel menace. Thanks to my writing group for the prompt.

Some More Twitterfic

"How did you catch me?" the killer asked. / "Someone brought in your lost wallet and we tested it," the cop said. "A lucky break for us."

Her throat closed. She was allergic to chocolate but they were from her stalker. She started to fade away. Now they'll never get to meet.

"Order up!" Ty started the next meal. Jill tripped, spilling grease on Ty's back. He's home with a blistered ass, and Jill is 6 feet under.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's Twitterfic

"Happy Valentine's Day!" He gave me chocolates. I yelled, "I said I wanted brains!" So I ate his brain then had the chocolates for dessert.

I sank my fangs into her neck and sucked her dry. As her lifeless body fell to the floor, I said, "Thank you for being my bloody Valentine."

Valentine's Day Contest Entry

Eternal Love
By Nancy A. Cavanaugh

Jim handed Debbie some wine. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Debbie took a sip, then spit out a ring. “What’s this?”

“Marry me?”


“I love you!” he said and took a bite out of her head.

When her transformation finished, he said, “We’ll be together always and forever, my sweet zombina!”


I made the top eight out of nearly 30 entries to the 50 Word Stories Happy Valentine's Day contest. I guess that's not too bad for a first try!

Friday, February 11, 2011


Cupid called the temp agency. "I need 12 winged angels that are accurate archers and believe in love." The woman hung up. "Damned pranks."

I awoke rested. Next to me was a strangled hooker. There was a knock on the door. "NYPD!" Maybe a good night's sleep wasn't worth the cost.

"Zombina..." Jim begged. "You made me a #zombie!" "I wanted to be with you forever." "We're so over!" She shot Jim and ate him for dinner.

© February 11, 2011

Friday, February 4, 2011

More Glee Twitter Fanfic

“I Kissed a Girl,” Brittany said confessed with #Glee. “Did you like it?” Artie asked. “Yes, but We're Going to be Friends,” she answered.

Coach Beiste whispered, “I Need You Now.” Will wrapped his arms around her with #Glee and kissed her hungrily. She woke up, Alone Again.

“Stay,” Rachel said. “I can't, She's My Ride Home,” Finn said. Santana waved to them with #Glee. “I love you,” she sobbed. “Goodbye Rachel.”

“Here I Am,” Kurt said with #Glee. Karofsky pushed him against a locker then kissed Kurt again. “I Think I Love You.” Kurt woke screaming.

Sue watched the #Glee club with contempt. “Put Your Dreams Away,” she said as she plotted their demise. “I will not be made a fool again.”

** Read more at:

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Glee Fanfic for Twitter

I couldn't sleep last night so I sat in bed and wrote up some Twitter fanfic in anticipation of the new Glee episode on Sunday.

Rachel rushed past me with #Glee, singing “Crush.” I looked around nervously. I hope she isn't crushing on me; I don't look good in Slushee!

Artie rolled up to Brittany and pulled her on his lap with #Glee. She whispered, “I Want Your Sex.” He grinned, "Baby One More Time.”

Puck pulled Santana into the janitor closet. He smiled with #Glee as she dropped to her knees. “Babe, you're a "Teenage Dream" come true.”

Kurt invited Blaine over to practice a duet for #Glee club. Blaine fell asleep. Kurt whispered, “Sweet Dreams” then kissed him good night.

Finn acted “Like a Virgin” with Rachel. Santana laughed with #Glee when she found out. “Finn? A virgin? “Dream On”!” Now he's single again.

** Read more at: