Tuesday, June 7, 2016

A Day in the Park

"Did you see that baby? He's larger than any I've ever seen before!" an old woman whispered loudly to her friend.

"No, I was watching the cute gardener," her friend replied then cat called at him.

"What do you think they're feeding him?" she asked.

"You know how meat and milk have all those growth hormones," her friend said.

"Well, they may want to stop," she said. "He looks monstrous."

"You may want to watch how loudly you're talking," the mom said as she turned towards the old women, a wicked grin on her face. "As it turns out, his favorite meal is busybodies."

The baby sprung from the stroller and bit the woman's neck, killing her instantly then started eating her still warm carcass. The other woman fainted.

"Looks like we both get a snack," the mom said as she lifted the woman's hand then bit into the wrist. She sucked on the open wound, draining the blood from her body.

When they finished, she cleaned their faces with a wipe.

"I love having lunch at the park," she said then they both laughed as they made their way home.

Word prompt: mom, larger, watch

Monday, June 6, 2016

Fear of Sunlight

James dashed from one shady spot to the next, desperate to avoid the sunlight.

"What are you doing?" Hannah asked as she tried to keep up with him.

"I ... I had sun poisoining as a kid and ... I ... I must avoid it at all costs," he explained hastily.

"Really? That's so weird. I did, too!" Hannah replied. "But I can go in the sun as long as I'm covered. Try it! Your skin is mostly covered."

Hannah grabbed his arm and pulled him into the sun. She gasped as he started smoking then burst into flame. Soon all that was left was a pile of scorched ashes.

"No one expects the Hannah inquisition," she said with a smile then swept him into the jar with the ashes of her other conquests.

Word prompt: sunlight, smoking, scorched

Thursday, May 19, 2016

The Secret Diet

"Susie, how do you get your body looking so fabulous?" Janice demanded as she set her blanket down next to her friend.

"Spring allergies and sinus infections plus lots of time at the gym," she answered as she flexed her sleek body covered by a skimpy bikini, casually avoiding eye contact.

"That's horrible! What a lousy way to get fit."

Susie thought about the Tupperware container on the kitchen table filled with dried up sheets of boogers waiting to be eaten. There was no way she could tell Janice the secret to her success.

"It's snot bad," Susie joked. They both laughed then fell quiet as they waited for the boys to start fawning over them.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Game Over

The Wii game controller shook vigorously and the crowd cheered as Godzilla stomped onto the screen. After hours of playing, it was time for the final showdown. No one had been able to defeat Epic Godzilla in competition.

Shawn squatted as he prepared to do the only attack that could defeat him. Godzilla came within reach and Shawn launched the mighty jumping super roundhouse kick that he practiced for hours in the basement at his mom's house. His take off was perfect but he didn't jump quite high enough.

Godzilla roared as the kick grazed his head and swung his tail at Shawn's character's head. He hit Shawn squarely in the chest, sending him flying across the screen. The character on the screen stumbled and fell to his knees.

There was no other option. Shawn raised his hands up then committed hari kari as the crowd booed him. He hung his head and walked off the stage. He had failed -- his marriage, his job, and now this.

After he left, Shawn stopped at the liquor store and bought a big bottle of whiskey then went home to get his Japanese samurai sword. He drank all of the whiskey as he drove to his ex-wife's house.

Shawn stumbled onto the porch, sword in hand, and rang the doorbell then dropped to his knees. When she opened the door, he stabbed himself like he had in the game and slurred, "Game over."

Word prompt: Godzilla, vigorously, squatted

Friday, October 31, 2014

Apocalypse Trick or Treat

The young zombie dressed in a ballerina costume daintily skipped up to the house. She knocked on the door and waited for the human to answer.

"Trick or treat!" she mumbled when the door opened.

"That's the most realistic costume I've seen all night! Here's your treat," the old woman said then put a package of unfrosted strawberry Pop-Tarts in her bag. "I ran out of candy and it is all I have."

"This is a trick!" the zombie yelled then then lunged at the woman. She bit into her skull and pulled out the brains, letting the woman fall to the ground.

She pulled the Pop-Tarts out of her bag and unceremoniously dropped them next to the woman, leaving them swimming in a puddle of blood. She skipped off to the next house as she chewed on the fresh brains, happy with her unexpected treat.

Prompts: Pop-Tarts, daintily and swimming.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Pumpkin Festival Catastrophe

“Three … two … one … shut off the lights!” Mayor Larry Kimball yelled into the microphone. The lights throughout the downtown area turned off and the area was filled with the soft glow of candle light from the more than 30,000 lit carved pumpkins that lined the streets.

A chorus of ‘ohhs’ and ‘ahhs’ rose up from the crowd. It was a spectacular sight seeing so many pumpkins lit at the same time. Over at the food court, a weary festival-goer ordered a salty pretzel. 

“Would you like that heated?” the cashier asked.

“Sure, just enough to make it soft again.”

The cashier picked the largest pretzel and placed it on a paper plate then put it in the microwave. It ran for twelve seconds then suddenly stopped. “That’s weird,” the cashier said. “Is that going to be good enough for you?”

“Yeah, I just want to get out of here before everyone else.”

While they talked, a spark from the extension cord lit some old leaves on fire. The fire quickly spread from one leaf pile to the next.

“Holy shit! Fire! Call 9-1-1!” someone screamed. The blaze was headed straight for Main Street. Food vendors and the gift tent tried to douse the fire with whatever water they had but it was fully engaged.

The crowd could smell the fire before they saw it. Everyone started to panic and run away from the fire. Chaos filled the air and they trampled over each other in their attempt to escape, knocking pumpkins over and igniting all the dried leaves and hay that lined the main street.

It took several hours and responders from six towns to get the fire put out that had spread for up to three blocks on either side of Main Street then assess the damage. More than 1,500 people of all ages and a dozen pets had perished in the attempt to escape and thousands more were treated at a makeshift emergency room or transported to nearby hospitals. The fire caused millions of dollars of damage to the businesses. News outlets shared the grisly story, dubbing it Nightmare on Main Street.

That was the last year they held the pumpkin festival. On the one year anniversary of the fire, the town placed a bronze carved pumpkin in the center of town honoring those who died in the fire and the end of more than 20 years of pumpkin festivals. The plaque read, “Let it Shine – Your spirit, love and devotion will forever shine in our hearts and thoughts.”


Jake stared at his math homework. He would much rather be out in the main part of the house partying with his fraternity brothers but he couldn’t afford to fail the class, he would be booted from the fraternity and have to find a new place to live. The music from the party seeped through the floorboards.

Maybe a few drinks would be okay, then I’ll be less stressed,” Jake thought to himself as he glanced at the closed door. No one would fault him. After all, it was Thirsty Thursday. He could have a few drinks and still have plenty of time to study for the test he needed to retake in the morning.

He closed the book and stood up. It was time to de-stress and get some fun in at the same time. As he came down the stairs he saw Debbie. She was wearing a hot purple dress that clung to every delicious curve of her body. Her long blonde hair was pulled back into an elaborate bun held in place with black decorative chopsticks.

“Hey sssssstud,” she slurred as she leaned towards him. There was no doubt that she’d had more than a few drinks.

“Hey Debbie,” he replied and took the beer she was holding out to him. “How’s the party?”

“Boring as all hell. Let’s find a room and fuck.”

“Whoa! Lindsey is only away for the weekend, I can’t cheat on her like that.”

“No one will ever find out.”

“She would run me over if she did. I’m not willing to take that chance.”

“Whatever. You’re just not man enough for all this,” Debbie replied and stumbled away to find another brother to sleep with.

Jake finished the beer then started looking for another. When he downed that he headed back to his room to finish studying. On the way, he passed Homer, their giant pet spider. “Looking for dinner?” Jake asked.

The spider chittered his response and climbed along the wall to the stairs then across the ceiling to where everyone was milling about. He waited patiently for one of them to be alone. Homer wasn’t kept waiting for long.

Debbie had passed out and had been left to sleep it off. Homer silently dropped from the ceiling and started spinning a tight web around her, starting with her bare feet. He quickly worked his way up her body, squeezing the life out of her with each rotation around her body.

Homer was just getting to the face when she woke up and started screaming. He panicked and bit her, his venom filling her blood stream with poison. Debbie died instantly and an eerie silence descended on the room.

The next morning Jake came downstairs. Beer bottles and cans were strewn everywhere. In the corner, Homer was eating from the web. His frat brothers were eating breakfast. “Which one did Homer get?”

“We think Debbie,” Henry answered.

“Good. She was nothing but trouble anyway,” Jake replied and ate his Rice Krispies.

Monday, October 13, 2014

A Hostile Take Over

    "What's the news on Project Acquisition Earth?" Commander Smraelth asked as he gazed on the distant planet.
    "The religious zealots we placed there have been quite effective, especially the Republicans in the United States. They've torn down nearly all the environmental controls, increased poverty and reduced health care thus weakening their populace. They've segregated nearly all non-white, heterosexuals so they have no willpower or desire to fight," Officer Theulla reported.
    "They've destroyed most of the infrastructure of the government. The military is strong for a ground or air fight but their space program will be dismantled enough for them not to be able to oppose us. I estimate less that in less than two earth years they will be completely unable to launch a defense against us."
    "Excellent! Your undertaking of learning earthling culture has paid off and your recommendations seem to be working very well. If the take over goes to plan, I will personally make sure you get a giant promotion and your choice of earth real estate when the dust settles."
    "Thank you Commander!"
    "Dismissed," Commander  Smraelth said then focused the telescope so he could see the earthlings as they moved about then licked his lips. His stomach rumbled in response to seeing his favorite delicacy.
    He picked up the phone and called the kitchen. "Do we still have any earthling left in the freezer?"
    "Yes, Sir. There are five or six full bodies left from last month's hunting expedition."
    "Wonderful! I want earthling soup for dinner tonight."
    "Very well, Sir."
    The commander hung up and turned off the telescope then sat back in his chair, smiling smugly. He loved it when a plan came together.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Adventures in Geocaching

It was a warm autumn day, Tim and two of his friends decided to check out a geocaching trail they had found online. The web site had said the trail was known for having really unique items in the caches and well worth the trip.
The first two caches were empty but they left behind a red solo cup and beer opener in the first one and a handful of passes for a free round at a nearby miniature golf course. At the third cache, they found a Roger Clemens trading card in a batting glove. While Jimmy researched the value of the card, Tim placed an inflatable replica statue of Gandhi into the cache and covered it back up.
Suddenly eerie green clouds filled the skies in the distance and the wind began to blow. They could hear the faint sound of the town's emergency warning siren. "I think its time to turn around," Dave, the third member of the group, suggested.
“We can probably get two more done, they’re not too far away,” Jimmy said as he switched back to the trail map on his phone.
They were halfway to the second cache when the skies opened and the torrential rain started. The three men ran back to the parking lot, laughing as they climbed into the car. Tim looked out the back window and was the first to see the dark swirling cloud.
“Shit! Tornado! Start the car and boot it out of here!”
Jimmy tried to start the car, it wouldn’t turn over. The other two men screamed at him to try again. Nothing. They started to panic, yelling at each other for one thing or another as they tried to figure out what to do.
“Hunker down,” Dave said and tucked himself as much as he could into a ball and slide into the area in front of the seat. Jimmy climbed into the back seat and curled into a ball on the floor across from Tim.
The small car was quiet as they waited then filled with screams as the storm rocked the car before lifting and carrying it several yards before dropping it on its side. The three men waited for several minutes to make sure it was done.
Dave climbed out of the car then opened the back door to help Tim and Jimmy out. They looked at the devastation around them, shocked that they’d somehow managed to survive and beat the odds. The car, however, was damaged to the point of not being able to drive back to town.
They huddled together for several minutes then started the trek back to the college, thankful to be alive.

Word prompt: warm, climbing, replica state of Gandhi

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Only the Finest

"What a dumbass!" the cop exclaimed when he came across a man draped over a limb of the big oak tree in the middle of the park. "Hey, you. What are you doing up there?"

"I had to jump from the alien ship," the man replied. The cop laughed.

"Right, of course you did."

"They tried to do tessing on me but I got away," the man slurred.

"Alright, come on down."

"I can't. I'll break my neck! I need you to come get me. You's one of Yuma's finest. You can do it!"

"I don't get paid enough for this," the cop said as he started to climb up the tree. Just as he got to the man he vanished and the tree morphed into a spaceship.

"Dinner time," the creature who'd been disguised as a drunk man called. The room filled with a dozen young creatures. "Only the finest for my children. Bon appetit!"

Friday, August 29, 2014


Joyce's eyes are closed as she jumps from the plane and starts to freefall. She counts to thirty, like she'd been taught, then pulls the cord. As the parachute expands, she opens her eyes. The view is fantastic and she can't believe how far she can see.

"I can do this!" Joyce thinks, proud of herself for taking a chance.

She closes her eyes again as the earth gets closer, scared she is going to crash and break all her bones. She tries to remember what the instructor told her when she suddenly lands on something soft. Before she opens her eyes, the skanky smell of the municipal landfill assaults her nose and she starts to heave.

Joyce stumbles of of the pile of trash then steps on her shoelace and falls on her face in a compost pile. From the office she hears the workers laughing at her as Joyce wipes decayed squash and tomatoes from her face, and vows, "Never again!"

Prompt: shoelaces, leap, stanky

Thursday, August 28, 2014

It Pays to Listen

“Don’t skip out now, ya hear?” Bertha, the sole waitress at the small diner, said as she handed a man who was passing through his check. “Hank is in an ugly mood.”
            Two cowboys who were regulars at the diner laughed. “When is he not ugly?” the taller one asked then they laughed some more.
            “You boys behave or I’ll have Hank teach you a lesson,” Bertha replied then headed into the kitchen to make a batch of iced tea. A few minutes later she heard a scuffle in the dining area and stormed back out. “What’s going on here?”
            “This here stranger thought he wouldn’t pay,” said the taller cowboy who was holding the man against the wall. “Ain’t that right Jim?”
            “That’s right.”
            “Let me go! I left the money on the table!” the stranger said as he struggled to get away.
            “I don’t see no money,” Jim replied.
            “You took it!”
            “Now see, we don’t like it when people make accusations like that around these parts,” Jim said.
            “Ben, you better bring him out back to Hank.”
            “Wait … what? I just want to pay my bill and leave.”
            “You should’ve had thought of that before,” Ben replied then started to drag the man out of the diner with Jim and Bertha following close behind.
They stopped next to a large animal pen. “You can’t do this to me! I have rights!”
            “Boy, you’re in Texas. We have our own rules,” Jim said. “Hank! Come here boy,” Jim called out. A small grey creature ran out of the dog house, headed straight for the stranger and tried to bite him through the fencing.
            “What is that … that thing?” the stranger asked, horrified.
            “That’s my pet Chupacabra,” Bertha answered.
            Bertha carefully unlocked the entrance and Ben shoved the man inside. Hank pounced on him and quickly started tearing the man apart, his screams piercing the mid-afternoon quiet.
            As they made their way inside, Bertha said, “People jus’ don’t listen.”
            When they got back inside, she got the cowboys slices of pie. “Thanks for your help boys.”
            “Anytime, Bertha,” they replied and ate down their pie.
            Outside there was an eerie silence. Bertha looked out the window in the kitchen. Hank was taking a nap, curled up next to a pile of bones and a half eaten carcass. She went back to making lemonade, happy knowing her pet would be well fed until the next stranger passed through.

Prompt: Texas, skip, ugly

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

The Sacrifice

The earth rumbled and everything in the house wobbled as the thirteenth earthquake of the week hit the small village. "Those damned earth trolls," Bonnie exclaimed as she watched the family pictures on the walls sway, coming dangerously close to falling off their hooks.

"I hope today’s sacrifice works," Joey replied without looking up from his newspaper.

"Me, too. I'm getting tired of their demands. The last five fairies were perfectly good. Fussy bastards!" Bonnie said then went back to her knitting.

Later that afternoon, everyone in the village gathered around the square. A jeweled gilded cage with a beautiful fairy inside was placed before the altar. Her wails could be heard for miles. The high priestess called on the gods to bless the offering then beseeched the earth trolls to accept their gift. Everyone waited with bated breath.

Suddenly the ground rumbled and opened, swallowing the fairy and cage then closed again. The crowd cheered and celebrated then headed home to make dinner. Their homes were safe ... for now.

Prompt: Bonnie, wobbled, tired

Friday, August 15, 2014

A Rocking Halloween

The Halloween party was in full swing as people frolicked around the open field. Josie was wearing a vintage flapper dress and Bob was wearing a Batman costume. They ran off to the nearby woods and were in a passionate embrace when the earth below them rumbled.

“Earthquake!” someone yelled.

Everyone panicked as they tried to flee down the mountaintop. Josie cursed as she stepped in a pile of moose dung, twisting her ankle.

The event made the headlines the next day. “There wasn’t an earthquake,” geologists said. “It was just an orogenetic event; a mountain was born.”

Word prompts: flee, frolicked, passionate, Batman, moose dung and orogenetic

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

The Minstrel Lament

     The silence of the balmy summer evening was interrupted by the minstrels' gentle strumming. The music echoed through the deserted town. Behind him laid a trail of death and revenge.
     "Sit down, let me tell thee a tale," he sang. "Of a town filled with ill-will for a simple man and his mangy pup. In fear they did hang the dog. In anger the man did stab them all."
     He walked out of town, tears dripping down his face. A heavy heart for the loss of his best friend and a deepened hatred for mankind.