Friday, September 6, 2013

Settling A Score

Wendell Smithson, a policeman, was on his way to work. He stepped onto the sidewalk to hail a cab. A moment later a black car pulled over and he climbed in.

"Scotland Yard," Wendell directed. As they drove along he drank this morning tea from a thermos. When they got close, he put his hand in his pocket to get out his money and discovered he'd forgotten it at home.

The cab driver pulled over. "That'll be 2 pounds 30."

Wendell smiled, "I have a riddle for you. If you don't get it right, then I don't have to pay."

The driver sighed. "Go on then."

"What gets wetter as it dries?"

"A glue stick?"

"Nope! A towel! I guess I cleaned up on that one!" Wendell replied, laughing loudly at his play on words.

"Good one officer. You win. Have a nice day."

"And you," Wendell said and got out of the car. "Today is going to be a good day."

A short while later he was called into the captain's office. The cab driver was sitting in one of the chairs.

"That's the one," he said.

"Wendell, did you stiff this cab driver this morning?"

"We made an agreement! And he didn't guess the right answer!"

The captain pushed the button. "Lads, come on in." 

A moment later two policemen came into the office and arrested Wendell. They read him his rights then took him down to booking to be processed.

"What was the riddle?"

"What gets wetter as it dries?" the driver answered.

"A towel, of course," the captain replied.

"Yes, indeed."

"Why did you guess wrong?"

"He's been banging my wife every Wednesday," the driver responded. The captain didn't say anything, just nodded his head. "Thanks for taking care of things," the driver said then took his leave. 

He passed Wendell on the way out. "I'll let the missus know you won't be around on Wednesday. Oh, and do you need an attorney? I'm going there next, I'm sure they could use a new client." 

The look on Wendell's face was priceless. He couldn't wait to see his wife's reaction when he came home with the news.

Monday, September 2, 2013

In the End

“Do you think there’s life on other planets?” Snroff asked her father as they stared up at the sky from the top of the dune. She held onto his long pinkish-red spotted tentacle with her small one peach colored one. Overhead, the white clouds traveled quickly as the planet turned rapidly on its axis. The sun glowed bright in the distance.
“It is all gone. The stars in all the other galaxies have died and they have gone cold,” he answered matter-of-factly. “We are the last living beings in the universe.”
Snroff tightly gripped her father’s tentacle, her eyebrow furrowed over the large eye in the middle of her tall, slim head. “Will that happen to us?”
The young female started to shiver. “While I am alive?”
“Unlikely. You should live to be at least 10,000 Marcianic years old!” her father said, lying,
“Like you?” Snroff giggled then ran out of reach of her father’s tentacles so he couldn’t tickle her.
“Why! I outta!” he said then chased after her across the green sand. Their tracks were quickly covered by the wind swirling the sand around. They laughed and giggled when he caught her and fell to the ground.
A loud boom filled the air all around them and stopped them in their tracks. They looked up and saw the sun begin to expand then explode. The hot molten core of the star split into millions of pieces and was flung into space, hurtling towards their planet and destroying everything in its way.
“What is happening?” Snroff cried, clinging to her father.
“Seems Daddy was wrong,” he said and held her close, covering her body with his. His tear didn’t have a chance to roll off his face before the first of the sun’s core hit their atmosphere.
The inhabitants of Marcianic fell to the ground, gasping for air as the flames soaked up all the oxygen from the air. The pieces of the sun’s core pounded into the surface and melted everything in its path. Snroff and her father turned to ash. 
Then, just as sudden, there was nothing.