Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Dangers of Talking

"Barb uses collagen to make her lips puffy. Her boyfriend says her blow jobs are amazing," Mary said. "Do you think I should do that?"

"Only if it means you can't talk anymore," Phil replied.

"Oh you!" Mary laughed.

Phil wondered if collagen would shut her up. He bought a dose of imitation collagen online then waited for Mary to pass out from drinking. Phil injected the liquid into her lips then waited. Her lips grew bigger and bigger until her mouth closed and they blocked her nose. Mary struggled for few minutes then fell quiet.

Phil dropped the needle as if it was on fire. He hadn't wanted to kill her, just shut her up.

As he stared at Mary's dead body, he devised a plan. Phil brought the typewriter upstairs and used her stiffening fingers to type a letter saying it was her idea and absolved him of any wrongdoing then to hold the pen as he traced her signature from a cancelled check.

He called the police and reported the death. The detectives bought Phil's story completely. They even suggested that he sue the manufacturer.

Phil took their advice and a few months later, he had a settlement for $5,000,000. On the way home from court, he stopped by Barb's house. Her boyfriend was right about collagen lips, they really did feel amazing. And her mouth was too busy for idle chatter, which suited him just fine.

© March 3, 2011


  1. I can't believe Phil got away with such evilness. Drat!

  2. He wasn't really trying to be evil. He didn't mean for her to die, he just wanted some peace and quiet.