Wednesday, September 28, 2022

The Broken Contract

An army of gigantic large mutant red fire ants descended upon the city. In the air, a swarm of huge wasps swooped down to fly above them. Riding on the lead wasp was a man in a white robe with flowing white hair and matching beard. The Gods were angry.

“Oh shit.” Police Chief Buzz Sanders dropped his sandwich mid-bite. He picked up the phone and called the president. “Look out the window.”

“I thought they’d deserted us years ago.”

The president hung up and watched the insects make their way to his office. There was no time to get to the emergency spaceship and on its best day there was going to be no way it could outrun those wide wasp wings.

“Come out, you deceitful bastard,” Apollo demanded. The president walked onto the balcony, his head bowed. No one looked into Apollos’ eyes.

“Hey, hey! Look who it isn’t!” the president joshed.

“You lied to us. You said that if we gave you another planet to live on, you would take better care of it. Is this what you call better?” Apollo asked, as he motioned to the smog-filled hazy skies, polluted waters, and littered streets.

“Yeah, about that. We tried it out and didn’t have any of the things we wanted when we were on Earth,” the president said. “You can’t blame us for wanting what we once had.”

Apollo snorted. “I guess you have forgotten the bit about what will happen if you screw it up again.”

The gentle whirring noise of the military-grade drones were drowned out by the sound of the wasps’ wings. The president smiled smugly as he replied,“Something fire and brimstone-like if I recall.”

The president gave a quick nod and the drones fired on the insects. Apollo glared at the president for several seconds then with a flourish of his hand, the drones were incapacitated and fell to the ground around the feet of the fire ants.

“You ungrateful nit,” Apollo said as his face hardened. “Look into my eyes, Mr. President.”

“I’ll pass, thank you though.”

“Look at me,” Apollo demanded as he put his hand out and lifted the president’s head up. The president tried to look anywhere but into Apollo’s eyes. The intensity of the stare from Apollo was too much and their eyes met.

The wrath of Apollo stretched across the span between them and flowed into the president’s body, causing his insides to melt. Apollo allowed the shell of the president’s body to fall to the floor. A loud gasp went up from the people watching from below.

“End it,” Apollo called out to the insects then rode the wasp back to his spaceship without looking back. Behind him the insects attacked the humans, killing them and destroying everything that had been built.

Inside the spaceship, Apollo gathered with other members of the Council of Gods. “Always a disappointment when they cannot keep their promise,” Apollo commented.

“At least they didn’t take eons to screw it up this time,” said Zeus. “Let’s get out of here. We have a surprise birthday party for Eros to attend. We can clean up this mess later.”

Apollo watched the destruction out of the window as they prepared to take off. “Hopefully the next batch will be less greedy,” he said to his sister, Artemis.

“Indeed,” she replied, then headed to her suite to get ready for the party.

Tuesday, September 20, 2022

Peaceful Dreaming

“Are you sure?” Dr. Roh’tul asked.

Superman’s eyes were dull, he was a shell of himself. “I keep having dreams that I’m finally free from this curse. I want to be … normal. I don’t want this life.”

“The operation isn’t guaranteed to work, and you could suffer permanent damage,” the doctor continued, his face stone cold. “You might not survive.”

“I need to do it.” Superman had tears in his eyes when he looked up at the doctor. “You have no idea what it is like not having any time to yourself. At the beck and call of everyone in Metropolis. There’s no rest.”

“We’ll have to run some tests then we can schedule the surgery. We’ll be in touch.”

Superman shook the doctor’s hand then his head drooped. He sighed as he heard a distant cry for help and flew away, missing the doctor’s devious grin.

Seven weeks later, the testing was complete and the surgery was scheduled.

“Are you sure you still want to do this?” Dr. Roh’tul queried.

Superman nodded his head.

“I’ll see you again after the surgery,” Dr. Roh’tul said.

The anesthesiologist placed the oxygen mask in place. “I’m going to count backwards from five,” she said. “Five, four, three, two … he’s ready, Lex.”

“Excellent.”

Dr. Roh’tul looked down at his nemesis. “I almost feel guilty,” he said then laughed maniacally as he inserted a vial of liquefied kryptonite into the muscular arm. The superhero’s body convulsed and his body shrunk.

The weakened man smiled and his face softened. “He’s dreaming,” the anesthesiologist commented.

“Get the ambulance ready. It’s time for his trip to the asylum. Goodbye, my dearest foe.”

The next day the headlines read, “Superman defeated; Luther to rule the world,” and the world mourned while Superman lived in peaceful dreams.

Thursday, July 8, 2021

Prize Winning Destruction

“What’s your project?” the Universal Science Fair judge asked.

“I populated a planet called Earth with diverse foliage and animal life. One animal species evolved to have advanced intellect,” Snarflug answered.

“Very impressive.”

That afternoon Snarflug was awarded the first prize. He collected his trophy then headed to Dawbur’s house.

“Ready?” Snarflug asked. His best friend grinned evilly then nodded.

Snarflug pressed a red button and they watched with glee as all life on Earth was destroyed with volcano eruptions, tsunamis, earthquakes, and floods.

They dumped the experiment in the trash then went inside to play video games.

This was originally written in 2011.

Saturday, January 25, 2020

Cookies


“Who bought that moose cookie jar?” Dave asked. Henry shrugged his shoulders and left the room.

“You need to kill him,” said a voice.

“Henry, you playing me?” There was no reply.

A kitchen drawer slid open, revealing a new rope. “He is going to kill you.”

“What the …”

“Then use the kayak.”

The back door opened to reveal a new kayak.

“Do it, before he kills you.”

Dave stared at the cartoony moose cookie jar with its dopey smile. “I must need sleep.”

“Do it now.”

“Henry ain’t gonna to kill me and I ain’t gonna kill him.”

The drawer and door suddenly flew shut and the cookie jar spoke no more.

Henry was watching TV. “Did you get rope and a kayak?”

“Yeah, gonna be fishing later. Why?”

“Nothing, just hearing voices saying your gonna kill me. Crazy stuff. I’m gonna take a nap.”

Dave woke up when he felt someone tying his wrists together. The cookie jar was on his desk.

“You and this mouthy cookie jar are headed for the bottom of the lake,” Henry announced.

Dave struggled, and Henry punched him until he was unconscious. Dave woke when his body hit the cold water at the river’s edge. The cookie jar, now full of cement, was strapped to his chest.

Henry got into the kayak and dragged Dave’s body into the center of the lake. He cut the rope and watched as Dave struggled to stay above water.

“Why?”

“You always ate the last cookie from the jar,” Henry replied. “Just like my dad. You and he will become fast friends, I’m sure.”

“You sick …”

Henry slammed the kayak paddle against Dave’s head then watched him sink into the water with a very satisfied grin on his face. “Time to eat the cookies.”

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

As You Wish

“He's got a tux on, look at him now with a tux on,
He's gonna get one with a tux on, free admission with a tux on,
Get it anyway with a tux on,
He's got a tux on the easy way with a tux on, tux on.”*

Marv hit rewind and listened to the words again. The easy way, he thought as he glanced down at the coiled rope on the seat next to him.

He wondered if his family would bury him in a tux or in the ridiculous suit he wore to job interviews and weddings.

Marv drove down the main street as he called his seven ex-wives, his soon-to-be ex-wife and his girlfriend. He asked them all to meet him at his apartment at 7 PM. That would give him a couple of hours to make the final preparations.

*          *          *

The nine women were surprised as, one by one, they appeared in the lobby to Marv’s apartment building. Their chatter made them sound like a gaggle of geese. They asked each other if they knew what was going on but no one knew more than he’d told them on the phone.

Dana, Marv’s current wife, punched in the security code and the group of women entered the elevator. As they traveled to the fourteenth floor they became silent. They looked at each other, wondering what Marv was up to this time.

Dana unlocked the door and gasped when she pushed it open. The room was filled with flowers, one bouquet of favorite flowers for each wife and girlfriend. Candles were lit everywhere. A banquet of their favorite foods was laid out on a table and nine bottles of wine, the favorite of each woman.

The women were stunned. The evidence that Marv had been listening to them stood before them. They wandered around the room silently just looking at the things Marv had left for them.

“Where’s Marv?” Jerri, Marv’s third wife, finally asked after they began eating.

“Probably watching on video camera or something perverse like that,” Sheila, his fifth wife, answered. They all laughed.

Just then Betty, his girlfriend, noticed a package at the end of the banquet table. It was simply addressed: To the Women I’ve Loved. She picked it up and quickly unwrapped it as the others huddled around her. Inside the velveteen box was a note. She read it out loud.

“Thank you for being part of my life. I am sorry I was a horrible husband and lover. To make amends, I’ve granted your wish.

Love, Marv

PS -- You’ll find your present in the bedroom.”

The women ran down the hall to the bedroom and rushed to open the door. They stopped and gasped in horror as they saw Marv hanging from the ceiling. Marv had granted each of their wish: He had dropped dead.

* “Tux On” by Derek William Dick
Published by EMI Music Publishing
Copyright 1987
United Kingdom