When Pigs Fly

Dan pulled the last package of bacon from the fridge to make a large hearty breakfast for the family. “I guess it’s time to take Big Boy to the abattoir,” he said as he laid several slices of the meat on the griddle.

“No! I love BB!” Janice, his ten year old daughter, protested. She ran out of the house to the pig pen and threw her chubby arms around the pig's neck as tears streamed down her young face.

“Make sure the bacon doesn’t burn,” Dan said to his wife, Diane, then followed Janice.

“I saw a spider web…up in the corner of the barn...it said BB is a special pig!” she said between sobs.

Dan frowned. “I thought we got that damned spider book banned. It has caused us pig farmers more hassle than anything else. BB is special and he is going to be delicious. Now go get ready for school.”

Janice whispered into the pig's ear as she gave it another hug then glared at Dan before stomping across the yard and into the house.

The pig looked up at him with his big brown eyes and oinked at him several times. “What? We don’t have pet pigs! You are livestock and were bought to be butchered. You did your job of growing plump, now I need to do mine,” Dan explained. He scratched the pig’s head behind the ears then gently said, “It isn’t anything personal, Big Boy. It’s farm life.”

Dan went back inside to finish making breakfast and eat. After Janice was safely ensconced on the school bus, he went back out to the barn to get the large crate ready for BB’s journey then loaded the pig into it. The butcher was coming later that afternoon to pick BB up and take him to the abattoir. When he was done, Dan went inside for lunch.

“What's all that?” Diane asked as she paused from making chicken salad from last night’s leftovers. She pointed out the kitchen window with the knife she’d been using. Dan jumped up and looked out the window, following the direction of the knife.

At least one hundred large helium balloons floated up past the barn and into the sky. They were soon followed by the pig crate.

“Goddammit, Janice! That girl needs to stop reading and watching movies!” Dan hollered then grabbed his shotgun. He ran outside and started shooting at the balloons. He didn't have enough ammo to make a dent in their number and his anger caused him to miss most of them.

Janice was standing in the yard as she watched the pig crate move across the sky. There was a smug smile on her face. “I told you—he’s too special to become bacon.”

“I hope you’re happy. Now he’s too far away to do either of us any good. I’ll call the sheriff’s office and tell them to be on the lookout for him,” Dan replied then went inside to eat his lunch and tell the butcher the pig no longer needed to be picked up.

The pig flew on the north easterly winds for more than an hour. The balloons slowly deflated and BB landed with a thud, the crate fell apart and revealed a dazed and confused pig. He had miraculously handed on the front lawn of the abattoir.

The butcher called Dan. “I wasn’t expecting an air delivery today, but I’m pretty sure your pig just landed in my front yard. Do you want me to bring him home? Or do you still want me to cut him up?”

“Darn tootin’ I want him cut up. See if you can manage a rack of ribs and a couple of roasts too.”

“Will do. Your meat will be ready in about a week.”

Dan hung up the phone and laughed. He turned to his wife and said, “I guess when pigs fly, amazing things really can happen.”

Prompts: abattoir, fly, hearty, and house

Ned the Alien?

Nora could not convince them that Ned was an alien.

He looked too normal. Ned’s skin was very pale white and he had blue eyes. His head was bald. He was average height and rotund with a beer belly. The clothes he wore were Dad chic.

Ned spoke perfect English, though he had an odd accent no one could place.

Nora had no choice. She grabbed a mirror and held it up to Ned. In the reflection was a monstrous alien. Ned roared angrily.

Everyone believed her now, but it was too late. Ned was already eating everyone in sight.