tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24884474237491662732024-03-01T14:56:53.478-05:00My Flashy WordsOdd, dark humor, frequently gruesome and somewhat unexpected stories. The micro fiction is up to 200 words and flash fiction is up to 1,000 words. Leave a comment or just say hello!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger161125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-11458026098292544292023-12-28T02:35:00.003-05:002023-12-28T02:35:37.786-05:00When Pigs Fly<p>Dan pulled the last package of bacon from the fridge to make a large hearty breakfast for the family. “I guess it’s time to take Big Boy to the abattoir,” he said as he laid several slices of the meat on the griddle.<br /><br />“No! I love BB!” Janice, his ten year old daughter, protested. She ran out of the house to the pig pen and threw her chubby arms around the pig's neck as tears streamed down her young face. <br /><br />“Make sure the bacon doesn’t burn,” Dan said to his wife, Diane, then followed Janice.<br /><br />“I saw a spider web…up in the corner of the barn...it said BB is a special pig!” she said between sobs.<br /><br />Dan frowned. “I thought we got that damned spider book banned. It has caused us pig farmers more hassle than anything else. BB is special and he is going to be delicious. Now go get ready for school.”<br /><br />Janice whispered into the pig's ear as she gave it another hug then glared at Dan before stomping across the yard and into the house.<br /><br />The pig looked up at him with his big brown eyes and oinked at him several times. “What? We don’t have pet pigs! You are livestock and were bought to be butchered. You did your job of growing plump, now I need to do mine,” Dan explained. He scratched the pig’s head behind the ears then gently said, “It isn’t anything personal, Big Boy. It’s farm life.”<br /><br />Dan went back inside to finish making breakfast and eat. After Janice was safely ensconced on the school bus, he went back out to the barn to get the large crate ready for BB’s journey then loaded the pig into it. The butcher was coming later that afternoon to pick BB up and take him to the abattoir. When he was done, Dan went inside for lunch.<br /><br />“What's all that?” Diane asked as she paused from making chicken salad from last night’s leftovers. She pointed out the kitchen window with the knife she’d been using. Dan jumped up and looked out the window, following the direction of the knife. <br /><br />At least one hundred large helium balloons floated up past the barn and into the sky. They were soon followed by the pig crate.<br /><br />“Goddammit, Janice! That girl needs to stop reading and watching movies!” Dan hollered then grabbed his shotgun. He ran outside and started shooting at the balloons. He didn't have enough ammo to make a dent in their number and his anger caused him to miss most of them.<br /><br />Janice was standing in the yard as she watched the pig crate move across the sky. There was a smug smile on her face. “I told you—he’s too special to become bacon.”<br /><br />“I hope you’re happy. Now he’s too far away to do either of us any good. I’ll call the sheriff’s office and tell them to be on the lookout for him,” Dan replied then went inside to eat his lunch and tell the butcher the pig no longer needed to be picked up.<br /><br />The pig flew on the north easterly winds for more than an hour. The balloons slowly deflated and BB landed with a thud, the crate fell apart and revealed a dazed and confused pig. He had miraculously handed on the front lawn of the abattoir. <br /><br />The butcher called Dan. “I wasn’t expecting an air delivery today, but I’m pretty sure your pig just landed in my front yard. Do you want me to bring him home? Or do you still want me to cut him up?”<br /><br />“Darn tootin’ I want him cut up. See if you can manage a rack of ribs and a couple of roasts too.”<br /><br />“Will do. Your meat will be ready in about a week.”<br /><br />Dan hung up the phone and laughed. He turned to his wife and said, “I guess when pigs fly, amazing things really can happen.”<br /><br /><i><b>Prompts: abattoir, fly, hearty, and house</b></i></p>Neil P. Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08242360211631247217noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-4398064058692880972023-12-23T14:24:00.006-05:002023-12-23T14:26:22.952-05:00Ned the Alien?Nora could not convince them that Ned was an alien.<br /><br />He looked too normal. Ned’s skin was very pale white and he had blue eyes. His head was bald. He was average height and rotund with a beer belly. The clothes he wore were Dad chic. <br /><br />Ned spoke perfect English, though he had an odd accent no one could place. <br /><br />Nora had no choice. She grabbed a mirror and held it up to Ned. In the reflection was a monstrous alien. Ned roared angrily.<br /><br />Everyone believed her now, but it was too late. Ned was already eating everyone in sight.<br />Neil P. Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08242360211631247217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-74509704066855173082023-05-28T19:28:00.002-04:002023-05-28T19:28:40.008-04:00Bones<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“Follow the bones, they always know.” Her guide laughed at his own joke as he carefully made his way along the dry desert ridge. It was dotted with white flags marking each bone found. They hung limply without a hint of wind to move them or provide any relief. “It’d be nice if they led to shade.”</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">There wasn’t a tree or rocky cropping for as far as she could see to provide any relief. She was thankful that her visit to this barren landscape was going to be short. She wrote notes about the flags, then went back to watching him work.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Despite the heat, the dinosaur hunter was wearing jeans, cowboy boots, and a long-sleeve shirt. On top of his balding head was a well-worn cowboy hat. She supposed it made sense as it was dirty, potentially dangerous work. His clothes would protect from thorny bushes, sharp rocks, and the bright midday sun. She wished she’d dressed as smartly and hadn’t insisted that safari-wear would be perfect.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">He handed her a flask. “Drink some water. You’ll never get your ‘For Dummies’ book written if you die out here and join the dinos.”</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">He pointed to a pile of white objects. “Well, I’ll be damned!”</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“What?”</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“Don’t you see it? There’s a handful of T-rex teeth.”</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“Is that good?”</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">“Are you kidding? This could be the find of a lifetime.” He handed her a knife and brush. “Make yourself useful.”</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">And that’s how she became a bone-fied dinosaur hunter.</span></p>Neil P. Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08242360211631247217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-3012905466100275252023-01-10T02:58:00.002-05:002023-01-10T02:58:41.120-05:00The Alien Who Cried Earthling<p><span style="font-size: medium;">“Pods ... we must get into the pods ... must save ourselves in the pods!” young Ceoxilli cried as he ran into the throne room.<br /><br />“What are you going on about?” King Iippi demanded.<br /><br />“They’re … they … they’re here!”<br /><br />“Who’s here?!”<br /><br />“The Earthlings!”<br /><br />“That’s what you said last week and the week before. Go to your room and don’t keep telling me these fanciful tales.”<br /><br />“But they are here! I saw them … for real! I’m not lying.” Ceoxilli looked out the window, hoping one would pass by so he could prove that he was telling the truth.<br /><br />“No one has time for your imaginations. Now go!”<br /><br />Ceoxilli growled then ran to the safe room in the basement and locked himself in. He turned the news on his phone and waited for the attack. Hours passed and still no attack. He knew he’d seen Earthlings and was sure they would be up to no good.<br /><br />He found the food supply and anxiously started eating as the battery on his phone slowly slipped away. He fell into a carbohydrate coma. His dreams were full of Earthlings going through his things and putting them into bags to take back to Earth and show everyone. <br /><br />Ceoxilli was mortified when they found his underwear and laughed at the animals and galaxies. “These are adorable,” one said. “The little girl who wears these must be so cute … for an alien anyway.” In his dream, Ceoxilli was infuriated. He was a teenage boy. Not a little girl!<br /><br />He jumped out from his hiding spot and attacked them with his pocket knife. They laughed at him and held him at arm’s length as he tried to slash them. “This is a feisty one. I bet the Galactic Zoo would love a specimen.”<br /><br />The Earthlings put him in a sack then cut some air holes into the bag. They tossed him on the pile with the other bags. Ceoxilli was livid now. First they called him a girl, then they were going to put him in a zoo? Not if he could do anything about it.<br /><br />His skin started to get red hot and he could smell the fabric starting to burn, releasing smoke into the room. The Earthlings started to cough, choking on the polluted air. He laughed as the bag burst into flame and he slipped out unscathed.<br /><br />“Go, go, go!” one of the Earthlings cried out! Ceoxilli chased them down the hall and out of the castle. He was jumping up and down. He’d saved his family and his dignity.<br /> </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">“Ceoxilli, let us in!” King Iippi called out through the door. “We have been searching for you all over!”<br /><br />The teen’s eyes flickered open and he panicked when he realized he wasn’t in his room then remembered he was in the safe room. He stumbled to the door and threw it open, relieved to hear his father’s voice again.<br /><br />“Sucker!” the Earthlings yelled, then laughed as Ceoxilli tried to jump away and slam the door shut but it was too late, they had already grabbed him and there was no escape. He wished he could get red hot like in his dreams, but that wasn’t possible. “Put him in the bag with the rest of them. The Galactic Zoo will pay good money for a young specimen.”<br /><br />They were tossed into the decontamination room with the other aliens that had been rounded up then the ship took off for the Earthling base on Mars. Ceoxilli glared at his father, who replied with a shrug, “Liars are not believed—even when they speak the truth.”<br /><br /></span></p>Neil P. Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08242360211631247217noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-90172043410213977432022-12-16T03:28:00.006-05:002022-12-17T01:11:24.468-05:00Soulful Amusement<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">James barely made it to the bathroom and got his sweatpants down before his gastritis caused the contents of his bowels to explode into the toilet. “Good lord,” he said when he finished. </span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">James wiped the sweat from his forehead before it got to his green eyes. His attention deficit disorder hijacked his thoughts and he was reminded of a TV show he’d seen several years ago. One of the characters was faking their death and was forced to soil himself to convince people he was dead. It was gross but also really funny.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">He laughed as he thought to himself, “When I die, it is going to be real unfriendly for anyone near me! Ghosts had better be real. I don’t wanna miss that!”</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">Several months later, he was late to a meeting and running to the elevator at work. There was a wet spot near the stairwell and his feet flew out from under him. He tried to remember what sensei had taught him about falling, but everything moved too fast and he landed with a thud.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">James’ head slammed on the hard tile and he was knocked out. As he started to gain consciousness, he could hear people gasping at the sight of him. He realized there was blood pooling around his head and his long greasy brown hair was quickly matting as it soaked up the thick red fluid.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">Heavy boots shook the floor as two EMTs rushed towards him with a stretcher. The pain in his head intensified and the scream was silenced by his inability to control his body.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">“Can you hear me?” a distant voice asked. “Squeeze my hand if you can hear me.”</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">James instructed his hand to squeeze the hand touching his but nothing happened. He tried several more times, more insistently with each attempt, but it was useless. His hand was not moving.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">“We have to take you to the hospital and are going to lift you onto a stretcher,” a new voice said. “Don’t try to move. Ready, Dave? One, two, three… lift.”</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">The EMTs grunted as they lifted him. They lost their grip and his large body landed with a thud on the stretcher. A fresh chorus of gasps filled the hallway. “Be careful with James!” a voice scolded.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">The two EMTs apologized then rolled him into the elevator and out to the waiting ambulance. “We’re putting you in the ambulance,” the first voice informed him. “Don’t try to move.”</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">James tried to speak but his mouth wouldn’t move. He tried to give a thumbs up but nothing happened. Several times there was darkness closing in around him and he struggled to stay away from the light that loomed in the distance.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">The ambulance screeched to a stop. The rear of the rescue vehicle was slammed into by a large dump truck. James’ body lifted off the stretcher and slammed back down hard. </span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">Much of his life flashed before him then everything went black except for the light that was now directly in front of him. He stepped closer to it and he could feel his soul rising from his body.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">He looked down at his limp body and waited for it to go through the initial stages of death. “Here it comes,” he thought as he watched and waited. Suddenly there was a gurgling sound followed by a rush of liquid feces as his bowels emptied, filling the small enclosure with a putrid sweet smell.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">“Oh damn!” the first EMT exclaimed as he tried to cover his nose and not hurl the contents of his stomach on James.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">“Jesus! What did he eat?!” the other EMT asked, rolling down the windows to let in much needed fresh air.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">James laughed heartily at the reaction of the two seasoned EMTs. It was so much better than he had imagined it would be. The Grim Reaper appeared next to him. “It is time to go,” he told James.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">“One minute more, please?” James pleaded. As he finished speaking, a second rush of feces expelled itself from his body. It was too much for the EMTs and they both emptied the contents of their stomachs. The one leaning over James covered his dead body with vomit.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">James laughed loudly as the Grim Reaper guided him away from the ambulance. “That was so good! Have you ever seen so much shit at one time?”</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">“I can’t say that I’ve ever noticed.”</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">“I bet you’d see so much nasty shit if you waited for them to soil themselves,” James said enthusiastically. “Oh man, I bet that would be so funny.”</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">James was still laughing to himself as they made their way down the path to hell. “Thanks, man. I really appreciate you letting me wait,” James said when they got to the entrance. “That was freaking fantastic! Totally worth it!”</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">The Grim Reaper rolled his eyes, then presented James to Satan’s fire imps to be processed and given the rules for life deep in the earth’s center.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">A few minutes later, James passed through the checkpoint, still chuckling about the mess he caused, and made his way towards the cell where he was going to serve his eternal sentence in the pits of hell.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">As the fire imp guard closed the cell door, James started laughing maniacally at the joke in his head. </span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">“What’s so damn funny?” the soul in the cell next to him asked. His voice was gruff and he sounded grumpy.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;"></span></span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: times;">“When I died, the EMTs got the shit end of the deal,” James replied then fell on the floor laughing. Eternity was going to be a helluva good time.</span></span></p>Neil P. Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08242360211631247217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-61140697977854943772022-09-28T19:23:00.003-04:002022-09-28T20:24:37.277-04:00The Broken ContractAn army of gigantic large mutant red fire ants descended upon the city. In the air, a swarm of huge wasps swooped down to fly above them. Riding on the lead wasp was a man in a white robe with flowing white hair and matching beard. The Gods were angry.<br /><br />“Oh shit.” Police Chief Buzz Sanders dropped his sandwich mid-bite. He picked up the phone and called the president. “Look out the window.”<br /><br />“I thought they’d deserted us years ago.” <br /><br />The president hung up and watched the insects make their way to his office. There was no time to get to the emergency spaceship and on its best day there was going to be no way it could outrun those wide wasp wings.<br /><br />“Come out, you deceitful bastard,” Apollo demanded. The president walked onto the balcony, his head bowed. No one looked into Apollos’ eyes. <br /><br />“Hey, hey! Look who it isn’t!” the president joshed.<br /><br />“You lied to us. You said that if we gave you another planet to live on, you would take better care of it. Is this what you call better?” Apollo asked, as he motioned to the smog-filled hazy skies, polluted waters, and littered streets.<br /><br />“Yeah, about that. We tried it out and didn’t have any of the things we wanted when we were on Earth,” the president said. “You can’t blame us for wanting what we once had.”<br /><br />Apollo snorted. “I guess you have forgotten the bit about what will happen if you screw it up again.”<br /><br />The gentle whirring noise of the military-grade drones were drowned out by the sound of the wasps’ wings. The president smiled smugly as he replied,“Something fire and brimstone-like if I recall.” <br /><br />The president gave a quick nod and the drones fired on the insects. Apollo glared at the president for several seconds then with a flourish of his hand, the drones were incapacitated and fell to the ground around the feet of the fire ants.<br /><br />“You ungrateful nit,” Apollo said as his face hardened. “Look into my eyes, Mr. President.”<br /><br />“I’ll pass, thank you though.” <br /><br />“Look at me,” Apollo demanded as he put his hand out and lifted the president’s head up. The president tried to look anywhere but into Apollo’s eyes. The intensity of the stare from Apollo was too much and their eyes met.<br /><br />The wrath of Apollo stretched across the span between them and flowed into the president’s body, causing his insides to melt. Apollo allowed the shell of the president’s body to fall to the floor. A loud gasp went up from the people watching from below.<br /><br />“End it,” Apollo called out to the insects then rode the wasp back to his spaceship without looking back. Behind him the insects attacked the humans, killing them and destroying everything that had been built.<br /><br />Inside the spaceship, Apollo gathered with other members of the Council of Gods. “Always a disappointment when they cannot keep their promise,” Apollo commented.<br /><br />“At least they didn’t take eons to screw it up this time,” said Zeus. “Let’s get out of here. We have a surprise birthday party for Eros to attend. We can clean up this mess later.”<br /><br />Apollo watched the destruction out of the window as they prepared to take off. “Hopefully the next batch will be less greedy,” he said to his sister, Artemis.<br /><br />“Indeed,” she replied, then headed to her suite to get ready for the party.<br />Neil P. Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08242360211631247217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-17258409573662389512022-09-20T20:43:00.006-04:002022-09-24T21:03:37.460-04:00Peaceful Dreaming“Are you sure?” Dr. Roh’tul asked.<br /><br />Superman’s eyes were dull, he was a shell of himself. “I keep having dreams that I’m finally free from this curse. I want to be … normal. I don’t want this life.”<br /><br />“The operation isn’t guaranteed to work, and you could suffer permanent damage,” the doctor continued, his face stone cold. “You might not survive.”<br /><br />“I need to do it.” Superman had tears in his eyes when he looked up at the doctor. “You have no idea what it is like not having any time to yourself. At the beck and call of everyone in Metropolis. There’s no rest.”<br /><br />“We’ll have to run some tests then we can schedule the surgery. We’ll be in touch.”<br /><br />Superman shook the doctor’s hand then his head drooped. He sighed as he heard a distant cry for help and flew away, missing the doctor’s devious grin.<br /><br />Seven weeks later, the testing was complete and the surgery was scheduled.<br /><br />“Are you sure you still want to do this?” Dr. Roh’tul queried. <br /><br />Superman nodded his head.<br /><br />“I’ll see you again after the surgery,” Dr. Roh’tul said.<br /><br />The anesthesiologist placed the oxygen mask in place. “I’m going to count backwards from five,” she said. “Five, four, three, two … he’s ready, Lex.”<br /><br />“Excellent.”<br /><br />Dr. Roh’tul looked down at his nemesis. “I almost feel guilty,” he said then laughed maniacally as he inserted a vial of liquefied kryptonite into the muscular arm. The superhero’s body convulsed and his body shrunk.<br /><br />The weakened man smiled and his face softened. “He’s dreaming,” the anesthesiologist commented.<br /><br />“Get the ambulance ready. It’s time for his trip to the asylum. Goodbye, my dearest foe.”<br /><br />The next day the headlines read, “Superman defeated; Luther to rule the world,” and the world mourned while Superman lived in peaceful dreams.Neil P. Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08242360211631247217noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-8501330863277685242021-07-08T18:55:00.008-04:002021-07-08T21:42:21.159-04:00Prize Winning Destruction<p>“What’s your project?” the Universal Science Fair judge asked. <br /><br />“I populated a planet called Earth with diverse foliage and animal life. One animal species evolved to have advanced intellect,” Snarflug answered. <br /><br />“Very impressive.” <br /><br />That afternoon Snarflug was awarded the first prize. He collected his trophy then headed to Dawbur’s house. <br /><br />“Ready?” Snarflug asked. His best friend grinned evilly then nodded. <br /><br />Snarflug pressed a red button and they watched with glee as all life on Earth was destroyed with volcano eruptions, tsunamis, earthquakes, and floods. <br /><br />They dumped the experiment in the trash then went inside to play video games.</p><p><i>This was originally written in 2011.</i><br /></p>Neil P. Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08242360211631247217noreply@blogger.com0Charlestown, NH 03603, USA43.2347143 -72.402142314.924480463821155 -107.5583923 71.544948136178846 -37.245892299999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-82383773542388544452020-01-25T10:31:00.004-05:002021-07-08T21:42:37.467-04:00Cookies<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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“Who bought that moose cookie jar?” Dave asked. Henry shrugged
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“You need to kill him,” said a voice.</div>
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“Henry, you playing me?” There was no reply.</div>
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A kitchen drawer slid open, revealing a new rope. “He is
going to kill you.”</div>
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The back door opened to reveal a new kayak.</div>
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Henry was watching TV. “Did you get rope and a kayak?”</div>
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Dave struggled, and Henry punched him until he was unconscious.
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“You sick …”</div>
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Henry slammed the kayak paddle against Dave’s head then
watched him sink into the water with a very satisfied grin on his face. “Time
to eat the cookies.”</div>
Neil P. Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08242360211631247217noreply@blogger.com0Charlestown, NH 03603, USA43.2347143 -72.402142314.924480463821155 -107.5583923 71.544948136178846 -37.245892299999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-77667974482857741462018-05-09T19:13:00.005-04:002021-07-08T21:42:50.156-04:00As You Wish<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
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<i>
</i><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><i>
“He's got a tux on, look at him
now with a tux on, </i></div><i>
</i><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><i>
He's gonna get one with a tux on,
free admission with a tux on,</i></div><i>
</i><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><i>
Get it anyway with a tux on,</i></div><i>
</i><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><i>
He's got a tux on the easy way
with a tux on, tux on.”*</i></div><i>
</i><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><i>
</i><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Marv hit rewind and listened to
the words again. The easy way, he thought as he glanced down at the coiled rope
on the seat next to him. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none;">
He wondered if his family would bury him in a tux or in
the ridiculous suit he wore to job interviews and weddings.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Marv drove down the main street
as he called his seven ex-wives, his soon-to-be ex-wife and his girlfriend. He
asked them all to meet him at his apartment at 7 PM. That would give him a
couple of hours to make the final preparations.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
*<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>*<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>*</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
The nine women were surprised as,
one by one, they appeared in the lobby to Marv’s apartment building. Their
chatter made them sound like a gaggle of geese. They asked each other if they
knew what was going on but no one knew more than he’d told them on the phone.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Dana, Marv’s current wife,
punched in the security code and the group of women entered the elevator. As
they traveled to the fourteenth floor they became silent. They looked at each
other, wondering what Marv was up to this time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Dana unlocked the door and gasped
when she pushed it open. The room was filled with flowers, one bouquet of
favorite flowers for each wife and girlfriend. Candles were lit everywhere. A
banquet of their favorite foods was laid out on a table and nine bottles of
wine, the favorite of each woman.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
The women were stunned. The
evidence that Marv had been listening to them stood before them. They wandered
around the room silently just looking at the things Marv had left for them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
“Where’s Marv?” Jerri, Marv’s
third wife, finally asked after they began eating.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
“Probably watching on video
camera or something perverse like that,” Sheila, his fifth wife, answered. They
all laughed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Just then Betty, his girlfriend,
noticed a package at the end of the banquet table. It was simply addressed: To the
Women I’ve Loved. She picked it up and quickly unwrapped it as the others
huddled around her. Inside the velveteen box was a note. She read it out loud. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
“Thank you for being part of my
life. I am sorry I was a horrible husband and lover. To make amends, I’ve granted
your wish. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Love, Marv </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
PS -- You’ll find your present in
the bedroom.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
The women ran down the hall to
the bedroom and rushed to open the door. They stopped and gasped in horror as
they saw Marv hanging from the ceiling. Marv had granted each of their wish: He
had dropped dead.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none;">
* “Tux On” by Derek William Dick</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none;">
Published by EMI Music Publishing</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Copyright 1987 </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
United Kingdom</div>
Neil P. Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08242360211631247217noreply@blogger.com0Charlestown, NH 03603, USA43.2347143 -72.402142314.924480463821155 -107.5583923 71.544948136178846 -37.245892299999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-65222772387409807882018-01-05T13:25:00.006-05:002021-07-08T21:41:27.342-04:00Tanner finds a home A soft mewing woke Gandor. He discovered a deserted kitten near his cave. <br /> <br /> “Poor thing! I shall name you Tanner! Now, who is the thoughtless human who did this?” <br /> <br /> He sniffed the kitten, then the air and tracked the scent to a nearby house. <br /> <br /> The kitten mewed hungrily, Gandor smiled devilishly. “I know what to do!” <br /> <br /> He broke into the house and found the occupants. He quickly liquefied the humans with his laser eyes. <br /> <br /> Tanner eagerly licked up their remains. When he was full, the kitten stretched then yawned. <br /> <br /> Gandor scooped Tanner up again. “Let’s head home, its nap time!” Neil P. Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08242360211631247217noreply@blogger.com0Charlestown, NH 03603, USA43.2347143 -72.402142314.924480463821155 -107.5583923 71.544948136178846 -37.245892299999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-84972007733243385002017-10-30T08:32:00.001-04:002021-07-08T21:44:06.613-04:00Midnight Snack<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">I woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of something
sharp tapping on glass. When you live in the city with no trees around and on
the 15th floor, the sound is a bit concerning. </span>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">I looked over, there was a young girl on a broom, soaked to
the skin from the rain storm. Her cat was faring no better. I opened the window
and helped her in.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">"Helluva night to be out flying," I said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">"Helluva night to be stupid enough to open your window,"
a deep voice replied as the young girl shape-shifted into a green slimy
monster. He opened his mouth then swallowed me whole.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">I struggled inside his mouth as I felt the jagged edges of his
inner set of teeth press against my skin.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">"Daddy?" a young voice cried out from the doorway.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">"Dessert!" The monster laughed and stepped towards
the child.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">"Not today!" I punched and kicked the monster over
and over until he opened his mouth. I forced my way out then punched and kicked
him until he dropped to the floor.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">I was breathing heavily as I dripped slime all over my new
shag carpet. I looked at my foster daughter and smiled. "Go back to bed,
sweetie."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">I watched as she went down the hall then looked back down at
the dying monster. No one was going to be eating her but me.</span></div>
Neil P. Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08242360211631247217noreply@blogger.com0Charlestown, NH 03603, USA43.2347143 -72.402142314.924480463821155 -107.5583923 71.544948136178846 -37.245892299999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-76934508717539193112017-06-20T11:43:00.002-04:002021-07-08T21:44:30.897-04:00Heavenly Entrails<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Billy loved sifting through warm entrails. It was his favorite
part about working at the meat processing plant. He even dreamed about swimming
in their wonderful gooeyness.<br />
<br />
One day he got
the idea to drain the big vat at work and use it like a pool. They were closed
for Independence Day; it would be the perfect time.
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He snuck
into the plant. He worked quickly and soon had everything ready. Billy dove in
head first. He was in heaven.</div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">When
they found him dead from drowning the next morning, the foreman told police, “I
never sausage a horrible sight.”</span><br />
Neil P. Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08242360211631247217noreply@blogger.com0Charlestown, NH 03603, USA43.2347143 -72.402142314.924480463821155 -107.5583923 71.544948136178846 -37.245892299999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-87904790760184965802016-06-07T15:11:00.004-04:002021-07-08T21:44:49.116-04:00A Day in the Park "Did you see that baby? He's larger than any I've ever seen before!" an old woman whispered loudly to her friend.<br /> <br /> "No, I was watching the cute gardener," her friend replied then cat called at him.<br /> <br /> "What do you think they're feeding him?" she asked.<br /> <br /> "You know how meat and milk have all those growth hormones," her friend said.<br /> <br /> "Well, they may want to stop," she said. "He looks monstrous."<br /> <br /> "You may want to watch how loudly you're talking," the mom said as she turned towards the old women, a wicked grin on her face. "As it turns out, his favorite meal is busybodies."<br /> <br /> The baby sprung from the stroller and bit the woman's neck, killing her instantly then started eating her still warm carcass. The other woman fainted.<br /> <br /> "Looks like we both get a snack," the mom said as she lifted the woman's hand then bit into the wrist. She sucked on the open wound, draining the blood from her body.<br /> <br /> When they finished, she cleaned their faces with a wipe.<br /> <br /> "I love having lunch at the park," she said then they both laughed as they made their way home.<br /> <br /> <i>Word prompt: mom, larger, watch </i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0Charlestown, NH 03603, USA43.2347143 -72.402142314.924480463821155 -107.5583923 71.544948136178846 -37.245892299999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-69274551205702705162016-06-06T22:25:00.005-04:002021-07-08T21:45:03.651-04:00Fear of Sunlight James dashed from one shady spot to the next, desperate to avoid the sunlight.<br /> <br /> "What are you doing?" Hannah asked as she tried to keep up with him.<br /> <br /> "I ... I had sun poisoning as a kid and ... I ... I must avoid it at all costs," he explained hastily.<br /> <br /> "Really? That's so weird. I did, too!" Hannah replied. "But I can go in the sun as long as I'm covered. Try it! Your skin is mostly covered."<br /> <br /> Hannah grabbed his arm and pulled him into the sun. She gasped as he started smoking then burst into flame. Soon all that was left was a pile of scorched ashes.<br /> <br /> "No one expects the Hannah inquisition," she said with a smile then swept him into the jar with the ashes of her other conquests.<br /> <i><br /> Word prompt: sunlight, smoking, scorched </i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0Charlestown, NH 03603, USA43.2347143 -72.402142314.924480463821155 -107.5583923 71.544948136178846 -37.245892299999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-25568904252396956532016-05-19T00:44:00.000-04:002016-05-19T00:44:00.190-04:00The Secret Diet<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
"Susie, how do you get your body looking so fabulous?" Janice demanded as she set her blanket down next to her friend.<br /><br />"Spring
allergies and sinus infections plus lots of time at the gym," she
answered as she flexed her sleek body covered by a skimpy bikini,
casually avoiding eye contact.<br /><br />"That's horrible! What a lousy way to get fit."<br /><br />Susie
thought about the Tupperware container on the kitchen table filled
with dried up sheets of boogers waiting to be eaten. There was no way
she could tell Janice the secret to her success.<br /><br />"It's snot bad," Susie joked. They both laughed then fell quiet as they waited for the boys to start fawning over them.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-13385543468484786062014-11-19T02:00:00.002-05:002014-11-19T15:01:34.312-05:00Game Over<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The Wii game controller shook vigorously and the crowd cheered as Godzilla stomped onto the screen. After hours of playing, it was time for the final showdown. No one had been able to defeat Epic Godzilla in competition.<br />
<br />
Shawn squatted as he prepared to do the only attack that could defeat him. Godzilla came within reach and Shawn launched the mighty jumping super roundhouse kick that he practiced for hours in the basement at his mom's house. His take off was perfect but he didn't jump quite high enough.<br />
<br />
Godzilla roared as the kick grazed his head and swung his tail at Shawn's character's head. He hit Shawn squarely in the chest, sending him flying across the screen. The character on the screen stumbled and fell to his knees.<br />
<br />
There was no other option. Shawn raised his hands up then committed hari kari as the crowd booed him. He hung his head and walked off the stage. He had failed -- his marriage, his job, and now this.<br />
<br />
After he left, Shawn stopped at the liquor store and bought a big bottle of whiskey then went home to get his Japanese samurai sword. He drank all of the whiskey as he drove to his ex-wife's house.<br />
<br />
Shawn stumbled onto the porch, sword in hand, and rang the doorbell then dropped to his knees. When she opened the door, he stabbed himself like he had in the game and slurred, "Game over."<br />
<br />
Word prompt: Godzilla, vigorously, squatted</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-81805280614846708542014-10-31T00:37:00.002-04:002015-03-21T23:02:11.034-04:00Apocalypse Trick or Treat<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #404040; font-family: inherit; line-height: 20.2222232818604px;">The young zombie dressed in a ballerina costume daintily skipped up to the house. She knocked on the door and waited for the human to answer.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #404040; line-height: 20.2222232818604px;" /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #404040; font-family: inherit; line-height: 20.2222232818604px;">"Trick or treat!" she mumbled when the door opened.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #404040; line-height: 20.2222232818604px;" /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #404040; font-family: inherit; line-height: 20.2222232818604px;">"That's the most realistic costume I've seen all night! Here's your treat," the old woman said then put a package of unfrosted strawberry Pop-Tarts in her bag. "I ran out of candy and it is all I have."</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #404040; line-height: 20.2222232818604px;" /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #404040; font-family: inherit; line-height: 20.2222232818604px;">"This is a trick!" the zombie yelled then then lunged at the woman. She bit into her skull and pulled out the brains, letting the woman fall to the ground.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #404040; line-height: 20.2222232818604px;" /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #404040;"><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 20.2222232818604px;">She pulled the Pop-Tarts out of her bag and unceremoniously dropped them next to the woman, leaving them swimming in a puddle of blood. She skipped off to the next house as she chewed on the fresh brains, happy with her unexpected treat.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #404040;"><span style="line-height: 20.2222232818604px;"><br /></span></span></span>
</span></div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #404040;"><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 20.2222232818604px;">Prompts: Pop-Tarts, daintily and swimming.</span></span></span><br />
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-19586027473052726872014-10-17T03:27:00.000-04:002015-03-21T23:03:00.438-04:00Pumpkin Festival Catastrophe<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Three … two … one … shut off the lights!” Mayor Larry
Kimball yelled into the microphone. The lights throughout the downtown area
turned off and the area was filled with the soft glow of candle light from the
more than 30,000 lit carved pumpkins that lined the streets.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A chorus of ‘ohhs’ and ‘ahhs’ rose up from the crowd. It was
a spectacular sight seeing so many pumpkins lit at the same time. Over at the food court, a weary festival-goer ordered a
salty pretzel. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Would you like that heated?” the cashier asked.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Sure, just enough to make it soft again.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The cashier picked the largest pretzel and placed it on a
paper plate then put it in the microwave. It ran for twelve seconds then
suddenly stopped. “That’s weird,” the cashier said. “Is that going to be good
enough for you?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Yeah, I just want to get out of here before everyone else.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While they talked, a spark from the extension cord lit some
old leaves on fire. The fire quickly spread from one leaf pile to the next.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Holy shit! Fire! Call 9-1-1!” someone screamed. The blaze
was headed straight for Main Street. Food vendors and the gift tent tried to
douse the fire with whatever water they had but it was fully engaged.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The crowd could smell the fire before they saw it. Everyone
started to panic and run away from the fire. Chaos filled the air and they
trampled over each other in their attempt to escape, knocking pumpkins over and
igniting all the dried leaves and hay that lined the main street.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It took several hours and responders from six towns to get
the fire put out that had spread for up to three blocks on either side of Main
Street then assess the damage. More than 1,500 people of all ages and a dozen pets
had perished in the attempt to escape and thousands more were treated at a
makeshift emergency room or transported to nearby hospitals. The fire caused
millions of dollars of damage to the businesses. News outlets shared the grisly
story, dubbing it Nightmare on Main Street. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
That was the last year they held the pumpkin festival. On
the one year anniversary of the fire, the town placed a bronze carved pumpkin
in the center of town honoring those who died in the fire and the end of more
than 20 years of pumpkin festivals. The plaque read, “Let it Shine – Your
spirit, love and devotion will forever shine in our hearts and thoughts.”<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-34552496493583910902014-10-17T02:36:00.000-04:002014-10-17T02:36:26.132-04:00Dinner<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jake stared at his math homework. He would much rather be
out in the main part of the house partying with his fraternity brothers but he
couldn’t afford to fail the class, he would be booted from the fraternity and
have to find a new place to live. The music from the party seeped through the
floorboards. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“<i>Maybe a few drinks would be okay, then I’ll be less
stressed</i>,” Jake thought to himself as he glanced at the closed door. No one would
fault him. After all, it was Thirsty Thursday. He could have a few drinks and
still have plenty of time to study for the test he needed to retake in the
morning.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He closed the book and stood up. It was time to de-stress
and get some fun in at the same time. As he came down the stairs he saw Debbie.
She was wearing a hot purple dress that clung to every delicious curve of her
body. Her long blonde hair was pulled back into an elaborate bun held in place
with black decorative chopsticks.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hey sssssstud,” she slurred as she leaned towards him.
There was no doubt that she’d had more than a few drinks.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hey Debbie,” he replied and took the beer she was holding
out to him. “How’s the party?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Boring as all hell. Let’s find a room and fuck.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Whoa! Lindsey is only away for the weekend, I can’t cheat
on her like that.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“No one will ever find out.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“She would run me over if she did. I’m not willing to take
that chance.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Whatever. You’re just not man enough for all this,” Debbie
replied and stumbled away to find another brother to sleep with. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jake finished the beer then started looking for another.
When he downed that he headed back to his room to finish studying. On the way,
he passed Homer, their giant pet spider. “Looking for dinner?” Jake asked.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The spider chittered his response and climbed along the wall
to the stairs then across the ceiling to where everyone was milling about. He waited
patiently for one of them to be alone. Homer wasn’t kept waiting for long.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Debbie had passed out and had been left to sleep it off.
Homer silently dropped from the ceiling and started spinning a tight web around
her, starting with her bare feet. He quickly worked his way up her body, squeezing
the life out of her with each rotation around her body.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Homer was just getting to the face when she woke up and
started screaming. He panicked and bit her, his venom filling her blood stream
with poison. Debbie died instantly and an eerie silence descended on the room.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The next morning Jake came downstairs. Beer bottles and cans
were strewn everywhere. In the corner, Homer was eating from the web. His frat
brothers were eating breakfast. “Which one did Homer get?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“We think Debbie,” Henry answered.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Good. She was nothing but trouble anyway,” Jake replied and
ate his Rice Krispies.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-87053461163721787932014-10-13T11:19:00.000-04:002014-10-13T11:19:02.204-04:00A Hostile Take Over<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
"What's the news on Project Acquisition Earth?" Commander Smraelth asked as he gazed on the distant planet.<br />
"The religious zealots we placed there have been quite effective, especially the Republicans in the United States. They've torn down nearly all the environmental controls, increased poverty and reduced health care thus weakening their populace. They've segregated nearly all non-white, heterosexuals so they have no willpower or desire to fight," Officer Theulla reported.<br />
"They've destroyed most of the infrastructure of the government. The military is strong for a ground or air fight but their space program will be dismantled enough for them not to be able to oppose us. I estimate less that in less than two earth years they will be completely unable to launch a defense against us."<br />
"Excellent! Your undertaking of learning earthling culture has paid off and your recommendations seem to be working very well. If the take over goes to plan, I will personally make sure you get a giant promotion and your choice of earth real estate when the dust settles."<br />
"Thank you Commander!"<br />
"Dismissed," Commander Smraelth said then focused the telescope so he could see the earthlings as they moved about then licked his lips. His stomach rumbled in response to seeing his favorite delicacy.<br />
He picked up the phone and called the kitchen. "Do we still have any earthling left in the freezer?"<br />
"Yes, Sir. There are five or six full bodies left from last month's hunting expedition."<br />
"Wonderful! I want earthling soup for dinner tonight."<br />
"Very well, Sir."<br />
The commander hung up and turned off the telescope then sat back in his chair, smiling smugly. He loved it when a plan came together.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-89526872231259494062014-09-23T14:28:00.003-04:002015-03-21T23:04:50.439-04:00Adventures in Geocaching<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It was a warm autumn day, Tim and
two of his friends decided to check out a geocaching trail they had found
online. The web site had said the trail was known for having really unique
items in the caches and well worth the trip.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The first two caches were empty
but they left behind a red solo cup and beer opener in the first one and a
handful of passes for a free round at a nearby miniature golf course. At the
third cache, they found a Roger Clemens trading card in a batting glove. While Jimmy
researched the value of the card, Tim placed an inflatable replica statue of
Gandhi into the cache and covered it back up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Suddenly eerie green clouds filled
the skies in the distance and the wind began to blow. They could hear the faint
sound of the town's emergency warning siren. "I think its time to turn
around," Dave, the third member of the group, suggested.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“We can probably get two more
done, they’re not too far away,” Jimmy said as he switched back to the trail
map on his phone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">They were halfway to the second
cache when the skies opened and the torrential rain started. The three men ran
back to the parking lot, laughing as they climbed into the car. Tim looked out
the back window and was the first to see the dark swirling cloud.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Shit! Tornado! Start the car and
boot it out of here!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Jimmy tried to start the car, it
wouldn’t turn over. The other two men screamed at him to try again. Nothing.
They started to panic, yelling at each other for one thing or another as they
tried to figure out what to do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Hunker down,” Dave said and
tucked himself as much as he could into a ball and slide into the area in front
of the seat. Jimmy climbed into the back seat and curled into a ball on the
floor across from Tim.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The small car was quiet as they
waited then filled with screams as the storm rocked the car before lifting and
carrying it several yards before dropping it on its side. The three men waited
for several minutes to make sure it was done.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Dave climbed out of the car then
opened the back door to help Tim and Jimmy out. They looked at the devastation
around them, shocked that they’d somehow managed to survive and beat the odds. The
car, however, was damaged to the point of not being able to drive back to town.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">They huddled together for several
minutes then started the trek back to the college, thankful to be alive.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><b>Word prompt:</b> warm, climbing, replica state of Gandhi</span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-67797435786383022492014-08-31T19:30:00.001-04:002014-09-01T01:22:23.761-04:00Only the Finest<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
"What a dumbass!" the cop exclaimed when he came across a man draped over a limb of the big oak tree in the middle of the park. "Hey, you. What are you doing up there?"<br />
<br />
"I had to jump from the alien ship," the man replied. The cop laughed.<br />
<br />
"Right, of course you did."<br />
<br />
"They tried to do tessing on me but I got away," the man slurred.<br />
<br />
"Alright, come on down."<br />
<br />
"I can't. I'll break my neck! I need you to come get me. You's one of Yuma's finest. You can do it!"<br />
<br />
"I don't get paid enough for this," the cop said as he started to climb up the tree. Just as he got to the man he vanished and the tree morphed into a spaceship.<br />
<br />
"Dinner time," the creature who'd been disguised as a drunk man called. The room filled with a dozen young creatures. "Only the finest for my children. Bon appetit!"</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-30403717906257969262014-08-29T00:32:00.001-04:002014-08-29T00:32:19.908-04:00Chances<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Joyce's eyes are closed as she jumps from the plane and starts to freefall. She counts to thirty, like she'd been taught, then pulls the cord. As the parachute expands, she opens her eyes. The view is fantastic and she can't believe how far she can see.<br />
<br />
"I can do this!" Joyce thinks, proud of herself for taking a chance.<br />
<br />
She closes her eyes again as the earth gets closer, scared she is going to crash and break all her bones. She tries to remember what the instructor told her when she suddenly lands on something soft. Before she opens her eyes, the skanky smell of the municipal landfill assaults her nose and she starts to heave.<br />
<br />
Joyce stumbles of of the pile of trash then steps on her shoelace and falls on her face in a compost pile. From the office she hears the workers laughing at her as Joyce wipes decayed squash and tomatoes from her face, and vows, "Never again!"<br />
<br />
Prompt: shoelaces, leap, stanky</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2488447423749166273.post-33466950253750708542014-08-28T02:25:00.000-04:002014-08-28T02:27:08.441-04:00It Pays to Listen<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Don’t
skip out now, ya hear?” Bertha, the sole waitress at the small diner, said as
she handed a man who was passing through his check. “Hank is in an ugly mood.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> Two cowboys who were regulars at the
diner laughed. “When is he not ugly?” the taller one asked then they laughed some
more.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> “You boys behave or I’ll have Hank
teach you a lesson,” Bertha replied then headed into the kitchen to make a
batch of iced tea. A few minutes later she heard a scuffle in the dining area
and stormed back out. “What’s going on here?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> “This here stranger thought he
wouldn’t pay,” said the taller cowboy who was holding the man against the wall.
“Ain’t that right Jim?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> “That’s right.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> “Let me go! I left the money on the
table!” the stranger said as he struggled to get away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> “I don’t see no money,” Jim replied.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> “You took it!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> “Now see, we don’t like it when
people make accusations like that around these parts,” Jim said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> “Ben, you better bring him out back
to Hank.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> “Wait … what? I just want to pay my
bill and leave.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> “You should’ve had thought of that
before,” Ben replied then started to drag the man out of the diner with Jim and
Bertha following close behind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">They
stopped next to a large animal pen. “You can’t do this to me! I have rights!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> “Boy, you’re in Texas. We have our
own rules,” Jim said. “Hank! Come here boy,” Jim called out. A small grey
creature ran out of the dog house, headed straight for the stranger and tried
to bite him through the fencing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> “What is that … that thing?” the
stranger asked, horrified.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> “That’s my pet Chupacabra,” Bertha
answered.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> Bertha carefully unlocked the
entrance and Ben shoved the man inside. Hank pounced on him and quickly started
tearing the man apart, his screams piercing the mid-afternoon quiet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> As they made their way inside,
Bertha said, “People jus’ don’t listen.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> When they got back inside, she got
the cowboys slices of pie. “Thanks for your help boys.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> “Anytime, Bertha,” they replied and
ate down their pie. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> Outside there was an eerie silence. Bertha
looked out the window in the kitchen. Hank was taking a nap, curled up next to
a pile of bones and a half eaten carcass. She went back to making lemonade,
happy knowing her pet would be well fed until the next stranger passed through.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Prompt:
Texas, skip, ugly<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0