Saturday, April 6, 2013


            “Come on, you’re killing my bottom line,” Harvey exclaimed.
“If you need to have that many in time for Christmas Eve, that’s the best I can do,” Tim Cook, the CEO for Apple, replied.
“Forget the bottom line, Santa’s gonna kill  me,” the elf said. “$250 million is my best offer.”
“I can’t let it go for less than three hundred.”
“Think of the kids and their happy smiling faces when they open their presents from Santa ...”
“Parents will buy them full price the day after Christmas when Johnny and Susie don’t get their iPad or iPhone from Santa,” Tim said.
“Two seventy-five,” Harvey offered.
“Three hundred. Take it or leave it,” Tim replied.
“You know, it is people like you that drive me to drinking,” Harvey said dejectedly. “You’ve got a deal.”
“I’ll have the latest models delivered by December 15,” Tim replied.
“Have a good year,” Harvey said and hung up the phone.
Harvey looked at the clock, it was just after 9:30 a.m. “Never too early to start drinking,” he said as he poured himself a glass of eggnog then added two shots of whiskey. Harvey quickly downed it then poured a second one.
He sent Santa an email with the details of the deal he’d made with Apple then headed home for lunch and a nap to sleep off the drunkeness.
When Harvey returned to work he found out that Santa was holding a press conference that afternoon, the first one ever held in the history of Santa living at the North Pole. He’d been mostly sober when he came back, the press conference announcement finished the job.
At 4 p.m. North Pole time, Harvey turned on the TV. Santa was standing in front of a podium with a microphone. The camera was set up to transmit the broadcast to the world news outlets. The audience was filled with the highest level elves and Mrs. Claus.
“It is with a great deal of sorrow and regret that I announce that I will no longer be delivering gifts on Christmas Eve. The costs associated with buying the presents the children want rather than making them in our factories makes it virtually impossible for me to continue on. I will miss the job and seeing all the happy faces Christmas morning. The elves who have worked with me for centuries will be relieved of their duties following the selling of equipment and animals. It has been a great run. Thank you for your time.” 
Harvey stared at the screen, stunned by Santa’s words. He picked up the phone.
“Tim, my main man! I just found out I’m going to be free to find new employment. Do you have room for a hard-working, forward thinking elf on your sales staff?”

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